Inner Fat Girl



thI went on my first diet when I was 8 years old.  My friend told me I was fat.  She would compare our stomachs by directing me to stand beside her and I would watch as she drew her hand across my round 8 year old tummy to hers, her hand ending inches above her own, showing me that this was proof positive my stomach was indeed bigger than hers.

I’ve been doing weight watchers now for six months and have not lost any weight.  Well, some days it’s almost like I lost 5lb., but a pint of beer will negate that and I’ll spend the next two weeks trying to lose it again.  I’m not sure if it’s my love of the fermented grape, the menopausal years… pre and post.  Denial.  A love of outdoor patios, or my inability to deny my husband when he wants to take me to lunch.

I am actually a weight watchers lifetime member.  After I achieved lifetime membership, and after those around me complimented my weight loss, I started hearing comments about not losing any more weight.  So, I went from shame when I ate anything but salad, to shame because I didn’t eat anything but salad.  I’ve come to some conclusions about that time after you lose weight and how difficult it is to shed the inner fat girl.  The shame stays with you, you’ve changed the outside but the inside still carries the insecurities.  I also have concluded that there are those around you who would prefer that you were not successful.  One example is my ex-husband, after I lost weight and felt better I asked him to take my picture because I wanted to see what I looked like.  These were the days before cell phones, when you had to actually buy film for a camera, and have it developed.  The olden days, in 1999.  So when I got the film developed I realized he had taken my picture and cut off my head.  When I asked him why he would do that he claimed I asked for a picture of my body.  Can’t imagine why we are divorced.


Weight loss can change your whole character. That always amazed me: Shedding pounds does change your personality. It changes your philosophy of life because you recognize that you are capable of using your mind to change your body.

Jean Nidetch
Co-founder Weight Watchers Organization


Grown Up



Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
― Coco Chanel



I’m 51 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.

I’m still marvelling at the fact I’m in my 50’s.   How did this even happen?  I’ve never been one to deny or dread my age but I find myself as a new empty nester feeling like I have opportunity staring me in the face and I’m oblivious to it all.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with said opportunity.  Travel?  Maybe.  I do admire the travel blogs where people chuck all their possessions and travel. If I’m being honest though, the thought of going through everything I own seems like a very stressful endeavour so my laziness would probably prevail.

I updated my bucket list, so maybe that’s a good place to start.

60 Before 60


It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.
― Gabriel García Márquez